On Year Later - Reverse Culture Shock; Returning to a Life of Adulting
As some readers may already know, one year ago I returned to Canada after living in South Korea for 11 years. I knew when I made the decision to come home that I would be going through big changes, but I didn't know what they would be, and what challenges would come along with them. Now, one year later, I've gone through several ups and downs. Here are just a few of them.
The first thing I should address is why I came home. A few friends who have heard me rave about Korea often ask why I left if there were so many perks to living there. Making the decision to return was probably the hardest one I've ever made. I was comfortable, I had a decent job, little bills to pay and good friends. I had paid off my student loans, and finally found ways to overcome my anxiety. I loved the food, culture and the convenient way of life that Korean people live. Why would I want to come back to Canada?
Friends and Family
The first reason was because of my grandmother. A few years ago she got Alzheimer's disease, I knew my family was going through a lot of hardships while taking care of her and I felt a self-obligation to help out. She has done so much for me throughout my entire life, so of course I should return that. I missed my family and the few friends I had left inn Canada and I felt my time in Korea was starting to expire. I will say that one of the biggest pros to me coming home is being closer to my friends and family. One downside to having been gone so long was that I missed a lot of big moments. From graduations, to weddings, to birthdays and even funerals. When I left some of my cousins were still children; now none of them are.
Since I've been home, I got to attend those kinds of events. I got to attend one of my best friend's wedding, and I got to see some family, whom I hadn't seen in many years, twice in the past year since I've been home. Many of the people I know and love are different people now. But then again, so am I. Which leads me to the next point I would like to talk about. I act differently, I have different mannerisms and I'm still not fully used to the Canadian way of socializing.
I lost some friends while I was gone. It's not easy to keep in touch with all the people you meet in your life, and some people take that personally. Although social media sends messages both ways people believed that since I was the one who left, it was my responsibility to keep in touch, so it seems. I disagree with that, so when I did return to my friends here, few of them were left. I cannot express how special the ones who have stuck with me are. They know who they are. ♡
No Sense of Belonging
One of the cons of living in a foreign place for so long and then returning, is feeling like you don't fit in anywhere. When you spend a lot of time away from the familiar, you are bound to change. Your mind will be opened, and you will adopt different perspectives than you once had. You learn about people and cultures and that, perhaps, the one you once lived in isn't the best. When I came home and was catching up with old friends, I found it hard to explain what I had experienced. And I noticed others finding it difficult to understand. Not only had I been living in Korea, I've also traveled quite a bit. Another great thing about Korea is its proximity to other countries and how inexpensive it is to fly to those places. I miss that. Canada is close to one country, and its more expensive to fly domestically than it is to fly elsewhere.
However, as much as I don't fully feel like I fit in here anymore, I would have never been able to fully integrate into Korean society. As a non-Korean resident, I would have always been seen as a "waygookin" (Korean for foreigner). I could speak the language, give you tips on where to go and even directions. I could tell you about Korean history, dishes and lifestyle. But I would have always been an outsider to local people. There is still a small demographic of people there who don't care for foreigners, and so they don't treat us well. We take jobs, space, cost of money and marry their people. There are definitely foreigners who go to Korea and ruin it for everyone. After one headline in the news we become awful people. I was getting tired of the biases towards me. So every time I signed a new contract, it never felt permanent. Because of that, I knew I couldn't stay there for there rest of my life.
Lifestyle
I mentioned that the Korean lifestyle is quite convenient. There is also a must lower cost of living, which was another hard part about coming home. Everything in Canada is more expensive, the taxes are higher, even going to grab a decent coffee is more expensive. I found it very difficult after living a cushy life, to come back to adulting, paying bills, and getting stressed out. As nice as it is to be driving again, it was equally nice to never carry keys around. My apartment door, both the main door and my personal door, had a keypad. The only time I ever got locked out was when the battery died, but that was an easy fix. My apartment here is bigger and has more storage, but once again is more expensive to live in and to heat.
The Job Situation
Upon coming home, I was so sure that with my experience it would be a piece of cake for me to get a teaching job here in Canada. I had taught in all school levels, and I had also volunteered with young children at an orphanage. Who wouldn't want to hire me? Well it turns out that with out an actual teaching degree, quite a few people don't want to hire me. I was, and am still, very certain I no longer wanted to teach children and wanted the new challenge of teaching adults. It took several rejections and having to do an online course before I got hired. Now, I am a teacher of immigrant adults at the local multicultural center. Although I am happy not to be teaching children, there are different challenges that come along with teaching adults. There are high expectations and strong, developed personalities and the method of teaching changes. I do love it and I'm very fortunate to be working there.
Anxiety
My anxiety began midway through my time in Korea due to a lot of pressures and changes happening in my life. It took me several years to find ways to overcome it, and when I left I felt I had finally had it down. But some of the methods I had adopted in Korea were not available to me here in Canada. With all the changes and challenges happening, I started to get quite anxious again. I no longer had the support group I once had, and Fredericton sometimes feels like a prison with invisible walls. Fortunately I did have some people who understood as well as the gym. I had to find places to go that made me feel relaxed and find new hobbies. Although it will never be completely gone, I am starting to get control over my anxiety.
I Got Fatter
It happened slowly until my eating habits and breaks from the gym caught up with. North America in general has a ton of trash food, and the "junky food" in South Korea is still better than what we have here. I don't have a lot of people around me who share my desire for a healthy lifestyle, and although it is up to me to make decisions for myself, I tend to be easily influenced by the people around me. In Korea I was going to the gym, hiking, doing pilates, walking all the time and eating a super clean diet. Just having a car alone reduced the amount of activity I got each day. I am lucky that my former university gym has an alumni rate so it is cheaper for me to go, but pilates classes are expensive and I am struggling to find people to hike with. But as it is for many people, for me being active is the easy part. Eating healthy when surrounded by the opposite is a struggle for me.
I Fell in Love in a Hopeless Place
The best thing that has happened since I came home is that I fell in love. I am happy to say that a few months ago I found someone who fit well into my life. I am happier and less anxious and I laugh more than I have since I came home. I no longer feel lonely in this small city. I always have somebody to do things with, and to talk to when I have a bad day. It is the thing that makes being home in Canada the sweetest.
I Miss South Korea
I am happy to be getting used to my life in Canada, but I miss Korea every day. It makes me so happy when I here K-pop, watch Korean dramas and eat Korean food. I love meeting Korean people who live in Fredericton and talking about Korea in Korean. I miss the people I left behind, including my coworkers and my students. I miss how easy life was and the social life I had there. I became an adult in Korea. I grew into the person I am today. For better or for worse, it made me and opportunities I've had there will never be taken for granted. I do hope to return some day. I don't want to forget how to speak Korean or lose touch with my people there.
In conclusion, returning home after being away for a good amount of time has its ups and downs. It is bittersweet and will have many challenges. As a friend recently said to me, I still feel like I've been chasing the life I used to have since I left. I am excited for what is to come in this adventure we call life.
Thanks for reading my incredible long post. If you are interesting please follow me on Instagram at @krissyboo75. I still post about fitness, daily life, and travel when it happens. Feel free to leave me a comment. Have you had an experience in which you were away from home for a long time and felt torn on whether to return? Tell me about it!
That's all for now. Until I am once again inclined to post,
Kristen🥰
The first thing I should address is why I came home. A few friends who have heard me rave about Korea often ask why I left if there were so many perks to living there. Making the decision to return was probably the hardest one I've ever made. I was comfortable, I had a decent job, little bills to pay and good friends. I had paid off my student loans, and finally found ways to overcome my anxiety. I loved the food, culture and the convenient way of life that Korean people live. Why would I want to come back to Canada?
Friends and Family
The first reason was because of my grandmother. A few years ago she got Alzheimer's disease, I knew my family was going through a lot of hardships while taking care of her and I felt a self-obligation to help out. She has done so much for me throughout my entire life, so of course I should return that. I missed my family and the few friends I had left inn Canada and I felt my time in Korea was starting to expire. I will say that one of the biggest pros to me coming home is being closer to my friends and family. One downside to having been gone so long was that I missed a lot of big moments. From graduations, to weddings, to birthdays and even funerals. When I left some of my cousins were still children; now none of them are.
Since I've been home, I got to attend those kinds of events. I got to attend one of my best friend's wedding, and I got to see some family, whom I hadn't seen in many years, twice in the past year since I've been home. Many of the people I know and love are different people now. But then again, so am I. Which leads me to the next point I would like to talk about. I act differently, I have different mannerisms and I'm still not fully used to the Canadian way of socializing.
I lost some friends while I was gone. It's not easy to keep in touch with all the people you meet in your life, and some people take that personally. Although social media sends messages both ways people believed that since I was the one who left, it was my responsibility to keep in touch, so it seems. I disagree with that, so when I did return to my friends here, few of them were left. I cannot express how special the ones who have stuck with me are. They know who they are. ♡
No Sense of Belonging
One of the cons of living in a foreign place for so long and then returning, is feeling like you don't fit in anywhere. When you spend a lot of time away from the familiar, you are bound to change. Your mind will be opened, and you will adopt different perspectives than you once had. You learn about people and cultures and that, perhaps, the one you once lived in isn't the best. When I came home and was catching up with old friends, I found it hard to explain what I had experienced. And I noticed others finding it difficult to understand. Not only had I been living in Korea, I've also traveled quite a bit. Another great thing about Korea is its proximity to other countries and how inexpensive it is to fly to those places. I miss that. Canada is close to one country, and its more expensive to fly domestically than it is to fly elsewhere.
However, as much as I don't fully feel like I fit in here anymore, I would have never been able to fully integrate into Korean society. As a non-Korean resident, I would have always been seen as a "waygookin" (Korean for foreigner). I could speak the language, give you tips on where to go and even directions. I could tell you about Korean history, dishes and lifestyle. But I would have always been an outsider to local people. There is still a small demographic of people there who don't care for foreigners, and so they don't treat us well. We take jobs, space, cost of money and marry their people. There are definitely foreigners who go to Korea and ruin it for everyone. After one headline in the news we become awful people. I was getting tired of the biases towards me. So every time I signed a new contract, it never felt permanent. Because of that, I knew I couldn't stay there for there rest of my life.
Lifestyle
I mentioned that the Korean lifestyle is quite convenient. There is also a must lower cost of living, which was another hard part about coming home. Everything in Canada is more expensive, the taxes are higher, even going to grab a decent coffee is more expensive. I found it very difficult after living a cushy life, to come back to adulting, paying bills, and getting stressed out. As nice as it is to be driving again, it was equally nice to never carry keys around. My apartment door, both the main door and my personal door, had a keypad. The only time I ever got locked out was when the battery died, but that was an easy fix. My apartment here is bigger and has more storage, but once again is more expensive to live in and to heat.
The Job Situation
Upon coming home, I was so sure that with my experience it would be a piece of cake for me to get a teaching job here in Canada. I had taught in all school levels, and I had also volunteered with young children at an orphanage. Who wouldn't want to hire me? Well it turns out that with out an actual teaching degree, quite a few people don't want to hire me. I was, and am still, very certain I no longer wanted to teach children and wanted the new challenge of teaching adults. It took several rejections and having to do an online course before I got hired. Now, I am a teacher of immigrant adults at the local multicultural center. Although I am happy not to be teaching children, there are different challenges that come along with teaching adults. There are high expectations and strong, developed personalities and the method of teaching changes. I do love it and I'm very fortunate to be working there.
Anxiety
My anxiety began midway through my time in Korea due to a lot of pressures and changes happening in my life. It took me several years to find ways to overcome it, and when I left I felt I had finally had it down. But some of the methods I had adopted in Korea were not available to me here in Canada. With all the changes and challenges happening, I started to get quite anxious again. I no longer had the support group I once had, and Fredericton sometimes feels like a prison with invisible walls. Fortunately I did have some people who understood as well as the gym. I had to find places to go that made me feel relaxed and find new hobbies. Although it will never be completely gone, I am starting to get control over my anxiety.
I Got Fatter
It happened slowly until my eating habits and breaks from the gym caught up with. North America in general has a ton of trash food, and the "junky food" in South Korea is still better than what we have here. I don't have a lot of people around me who share my desire for a healthy lifestyle, and although it is up to me to make decisions for myself, I tend to be easily influenced by the people around me. In Korea I was going to the gym, hiking, doing pilates, walking all the time and eating a super clean diet. Just having a car alone reduced the amount of activity I got each day. I am lucky that my former university gym has an alumni rate so it is cheaper for me to go, but pilates classes are expensive and I am struggling to find people to hike with. But as it is for many people, for me being active is the easy part. Eating healthy when surrounded by the opposite is a struggle for me.
I Fell in Love in a Hopeless Place
The best thing that has happened since I came home is that I fell in love. I am happy to say that a few months ago I found someone who fit well into my life. I am happier and less anxious and I laugh more than I have since I came home. I no longer feel lonely in this small city. I always have somebody to do things with, and to talk to when I have a bad day. It is the thing that makes being home in Canada the sweetest.
I Miss South Korea
I am happy to be getting used to my life in Canada, but I miss Korea every day. It makes me so happy when I here K-pop, watch Korean dramas and eat Korean food. I love meeting Korean people who live in Fredericton and talking about Korea in Korean. I miss the people I left behind, including my coworkers and my students. I miss how easy life was and the social life I had there. I became an adult in Korea. I grew into the person I am today. For better or for worse, it made me and opportunities I've had there will never be taken for granted. I do hope to return some day. I don't want to forget how to speak Korean or lose touch with my people there.
In conclusion, returning home after being away for a good amount of time has its ups and downs. It is bittersweet and will have many challenges. As a friend recently said to me, I still feel like I've been chasing the life I used to have since I left. I am excited for what is to come in this adventure we call life.
Thanks for reading my incredible long post. If you are interesting please follow me on Instagram at @krissyboo75. I still post about fitness, daily life, and travel when it happens. Feel free to leave me a comment. Have you had an experience in which you were away from home for a long time and felt torn on whether to return? Tell me about it!
That's all for now. Until I am once again inclined to post,
Kristen🥰
Comments
Post a Comment